You aren’t alone

If I'm being honest, I haven't been talking to God much this year.

The year started out so strong, too. Had fellowship with other amazing women, whose faith was contagious. I was journaling. I was reading a devotional and my Bible. I was praying. My faith was sort of growing stronger.

Then I left a job that was killing my joy and crushing my soul. I experienced a blow up I wasn't expecting from someone who had no business being a supervisor, and what confidence I had in myself took a serious blow.

Church became a battle zone and gone was the serenity and sanctuary I felt on Sunday mornings.

I got hurt and was on crutches for weeks.

I sat out brandings. I set my camera down and didn't touch it for months. I haven't been on my mare in over a year.

The harder I tried to be good and do good, the worse I felt.

Eventually, I couldn't see where talking to God made a difference in my daily life. I drowned out the silence (and His voice) with podcasts and music.

While on a walk this morning, I started talking to Him. Everything on my heart came pouring out of my mouth and my eyes.

All the fear, the sadness, the anger
All the feelings of unworthiness and discontent
All the loneliness and frustration
Spilled out of my mouth, into the cool morning air and onto the gravel beneath my feet.

Did it change anything? I don't know. I feel slightly less balled up inside, and for the first time in a couple weeks, I finally feel something besides grief and anxiety.

Prayers don't have to be said in any certain way. We don't have to hit our knees for them to be effective, nor do we have to sit in a pew on Sunday morning for Him to acknowledge our existence. He always listens and knows what's in our hearts, whether we want to admit it or not.

It might feel like He ain't listening and like you're just on your own and have to carry the world on your own. It might feel like nothing is ever going to change or get better, or like you'll never get out of this valley you're walking through. It might feel like all the prayers you pray are falling flat.

Don't give up. Don't stop believing. I don't know how, but I just know that the Good Lord is always listening, watching, and waiting on us to open up to Him. He's waiting for us every morning and every evening, and every moment in between. He isn't going to give us everything we want, and yeah, some prayers will go unanswered.

He will always give us what we need.

Love. Hope. Strength. Faith.

Even on your worst days, you're never really alone. You don't have to carry the weight of this life by yourself. Set it down and let Him give you peace.

Richelle